EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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