I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
