Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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