Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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