I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
