The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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