he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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