i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My life is pants optional.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
