So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This toilet bowl is my home.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His nipple licking is glorious
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