upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
