you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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