All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
