well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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