were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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