Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
