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his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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