my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
