Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
