On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
