That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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