she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
