Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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