I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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