My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
