everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
