Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize