You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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