grandma shit on top of the toilet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
