So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
