The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize