Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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