I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
