you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
