My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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