I can text with my tongue
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it because I queefed?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
this is an emotional support booty call
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
