we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
