things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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