We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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