i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
