Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
