i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
