6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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