Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
