but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
