I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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