I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
