Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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