Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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