I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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