People with herpes should wear stickers.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
