I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
