I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
