Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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