At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
