do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
