"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
