I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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