u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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