he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
