Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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