I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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