I want to have your abortion
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
