He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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