please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
