are you still at the devil's house?
someone owes me an orgasm
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
