its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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