I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
