you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
