Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish i was in the wii world.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
