i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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