It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
