Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
