can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
