I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
