What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
