i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
