Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
