I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
