Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
